Blackbox of my soul

This is my tentative new title of whatever I do next on stage. When I was a teenager I wanted to become an airline pilot; hence the title.  Seems to fit.   I’m looking through my materials and my brain begins, even in the December haze, to activate like playing whack a mole with a tributary.  Not hat I’d whack a mole; I don’t dig on harming animal analogies; our species needs to shake those out I think.  I am amzed, to this point in my life, I am 1) still alive   2) healthy.   1) refers to the drugs I did in California and 2) refers to my three stomach diet I had as a teenager mostly in Philly.   My first year there, the worst year of my life, my USS Puberty attacked by Her Royal Majesty’s Navy when we moved from Indiana, during that year I would microwave two plumper hot dogs for lunch and chase that down with an ice cream block smashed between two brownies. For lunch, due my deep and unmusical case of the blues, I sat alone every day and ate four TastyKake fudge bars at .25 a piece, sometimes pushing it down with milk which I despise.  I needed the sugar to get me through the afternoon of a solitary hell.  I drank a lot of Pathmark generic soda ’cause it was .99 for three liters.  You can’r wreck your kidneys any cheaper or faster if you’re underage.  Ate burgers for breakfast on Saturdays.  I’m lucky I didn’t start drinking or smoking pot; I saved all that for later.  I did get high off bathroom cleaners, casually inadvertently, when cleaning bathrooms.  Pepperoni I ate by the stick.  Life seems for me to be constantly banging back and forth between a secret past and a past built on the naked eye.  Secret soul, secret pains, the neutron slicks I call them, the subtle invisible pulses that define your life and cause the things that happen, like me eating four fudge bars for lunch every day.

The glory of Facebook is that when someone from that past finds me, sometimes they’re shocked by what they see as one friend from high school said about my profile when he saw it; to me, the shock is if I don’t punch through the paper onion I sometimes feel wrapped around.  He and I started a band in high school called The Mammals. I was teased for it, which is like being teased for having a huge penis that organically vibrates.  I managed to get teased about being in a band; now that’s stature.  In the present rapture, I’m becoming a better singer I feel.  Had class tonight and we’re working on songs for our concert. I will hopefully film and post them on Youtube.  I look forward to composing soon.




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